Blatant Bill presents: Caveman

Endmix made 15 December 1999

This is another weird song: the text is written by my brother Tom Scheelings 
and only slightly modified by me (Willem Scheelings)  to fit into the rhythm. 
It inspired me immediately to make music to this text. Because I had a 
developing cold and also encountered some software problems, I had to speak 
the text 3 times; then, to compensate for my anger, I ate half a packet of 
Liquorice All sorts. The fourth take did it; and the result of all these 
unwanted preparations is that my voice resembles a little bit the voice of Odo. 
So now you know what he has to do before he gets on the stage!

The text finds its origin in the fact that Tom is not very satisfied with 
contemporary lifestyles as presented by commercial TV, and he realizes that 
it all started at the dawn of mankind. (He wrote it immediately after having 
one bottle of Westmalle Triple beer in my house).


caveman 

If  I were a caveman
A caveman, a caveman 
If I were a caveman
A very clever one

I would invent a fire 
To keep me warm, to keep me warm
I would invent a fire
And keep it to myself

Orgh aargh urg  

If I were a troglodyte, 
A troglodyte, a troglodyte
If I were a troglodyte
A really clever one

I would invent a wheel
To drive around, to drive around
I would invent a wheel
And keep it to myself

Orgh aargh urgh

If I were an apeman
An apeman, an apeman
If I were an apeman
A really clever one
 I would invent a hammer
To build a house, to build a house
I would invent a hammer
And keep it to myself

Orgh, aargh urgh  

I am not a caveman
A troglodyte nor apeman  
I am just a modern man
Years ahead of  them

I am just a wealthy man
A modern man, a clever man
Living fast, and having stress
Paying income tax

Dammit;   shit;   fuck them all;
bitch;  fuck;  go to hell,

Government and politics
They make me live in hells
Thats why I'm gonna take some risks
Inspired by H. G. Wells

I want to build a time machine
To go back, to go back
Yes I'll build a time machine
To strike those cavemen dead

I hate their wheels and fires
Inventions and their cleverness
They made me have desires
And caused this modern mess

It is bad luck they saw the light
And shared ideas, out of sight
It is a rotten thing
Therefore do I sing

If I were a caveman
A troglodyte or apeman
Knowing what I know now
I would invent a lot of things

But keep them to myself.
And keep them to myself.     
And keep them to myself.
And keep them to myself.

© 7 december 1999, Tom Scheelings
?text slightly adapted; musick composed; played and recorded by 
Willem Scheelings dec 1999